What if the trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

I was baptised in May 2010.. I was saved.. At the time I was very curious about God, but wasn't sure if I needed Him or wanted Him in my life. I had a few good friends at the time that encouraged me to grow closer to the Lord. I started to attend church regularly. I started to stay in instead of going out on the weekends drinking with friends. It was a very rough time for me, inside I was growing- I was happy, but my relationships suffered. My friends didn't understand my sudden change to stay in, to get more involved with church etc. I was called a "Jesus Freak" by so called close friends. I was being made fun of for my bible verse facebook status and more importantly, I was being made fun of for making a VERY personal choice of choosing not to have sex. My close friend, Kelly was one of the only people who had my back from day one. She would defend me to so called friends, respect my wishes to stay in, and was very willing to learn about what I was going through. At the time I was under the impression that I was choosing to find God.... I was wrong. God found me, he saved me- knowing that I would need him more then anything in the up coming months.

Fast forward to August 2010. My best friend Kelly was diagnosed with cancer. When she told me what was going on I was so shocked. I literally felt dead inside. I immediately wanted to know everything. I probably spent the next 48 hours crying and on Google. She was 27, healthy, non-smoker, active and she had 4 types of cancer inside her, killing her. The next few months were tortured for her. She shut down, was in horrible pain and gave up. The girl who always had so much spunk was defeated. It was the saddest thing I have ever witnessed. She went through chemo, lost her hair, about 30 pounds, and was angry at the world. I thought about her constantly and did everything that she would let me do, but it never felt like it was enough. Not knowing what to do with the anger and sadness I worked and worked and worked. I taught full time during the day and worked at a bar five nights a week. I gave myself projects like redecorating each room in my house- paint, new furniture, new everything.

Moving forward again to December 2010. Kelly had seemed to be doing better, she went back to work for a few weeks, but she was so closed off to the world- even me. I never really knew what was truly going on with her diagnoses. It was finally holiday break, a Friday night and I was having my annual Cookie Exchange party. Kelly had planned on attending, but hours before she told me she wasn't up to it. I was so disappointed, but all I remember was talking about her throughout the night with my friends.. Missing her so much. That was the last time we talked. I remember telling her I loved her, and that I wish she could of came.. I told her that everyone was thinking of her and that we all wished she was there. I hadn't seen Kelly since Halloween night.  The next day I went with my family to Harry Potter world in Orlando. I remember texting her pictures of HP world and telling her how much I missed her. She never responded, but that was sometimes normal.

This was the last picture we took together. It was a unforgettable night. Kelly was about to start losing her hair and was freaked out about wearing a wig. I decided to wear clip on bangs out to see if anyone could even notice- no one did! Even though she thought I was crazy, I know she appreciated it more than I will ever know. <3

Once I got back and I still couldn't get in touch with her so I emailed her sister in law through facebook. That's when I found out the devastating news that my friend wasn't going to be getting better. She was dying, admitted into hospice- just waiting to die. I'll spare you the details of the next few days... It was the worst week of my life. Waiting for someone to die was such a morbid thought. All I can remember was days of crying on the couch, barely eating, and not being able to be alone.  I had some amazing support from two amazing women, Whitney and Carly. Without them I don't know what I would of done. They were there for me all hours of the day, whatever I needed they were there.

On December 22, 2010 around 1 in the afternoon Kelly joined God in heaven. This was 5 months since the day she found out she had cancer.. Five months and she was gone.

Not a day goes by without me thinking of her. She changed my life. She made me the person I am today, a better person. I would give anything to have her back- to have just five minutes with her would be incredible.

God works in mysterious ways, we know this... Why did he take Kelly, we will never know. But after so much devastation you are forced to make a choice. You become bitter, angry, you lash out or, you take the experiences in your life and try to help someone else. Now, I didn't know which choice I was making when I made it... but I can say I have never felt so proud of a choice I made. Over the last few months God has been using me to help others. I pray that He brings people into my life that need encouragment, love, and God's word. The response has been overwhelming. I constantly feel the Lord placing certain people on my heart and I know I need to spend some time with that person and do everything and anything I can to be an encouraging light when they are surrounded with darkness. It has been the most rewarding part of my life. I have never felt so much joy from doing things for other people. I have never received so much happiness like the feelings I have now.  I'm truly blessed.

After the last few life changing months, I have finally decided to put my money where my heart and mouth is and today I joined the Tithing 310 Challenge. Where you tithe the first 10% of the money you earn for three months. After the 3 months, if you don't feel like God has been blessing you then they will refund the money to you. I don't make much, and I would be lying if I told you that giving up that 10% each paycheck wasn't a concern to me. I do have bills to pay obviously. But after putting in my card information and submitting click I felt good. I felt at ease.
 
In December it will be a year since she passed..  Over the past year there has been countless nights up crying, countless smiles, countless opportunities to help someone in need and countless thankful prayers to God. I have never been so thankful for a tragedy in my life and I feel blessed to know that I have a best friend in heaven looking out for me.
Loving you Kelly Anne!